He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
