In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Dick very happy bro
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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