How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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