Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I pour the whiskey from now on
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
