Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
