so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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