i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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