Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
