i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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