You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
