i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
