So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
