I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
and i looked up. we had an audience...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
