Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
