Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
