I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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