i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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