i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
