I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
