I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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