"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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