I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
