did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
do herpes really smell.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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