I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
