See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
