I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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