The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
