You can't motorboat a personality
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
