One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
