you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
