I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
