Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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