I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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