some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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