you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
babies were throwing up all over the place
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
