I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
