Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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