there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
