Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
