Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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