Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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