I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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