I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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