Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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