I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
