What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
