On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
