wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
