We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
