Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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