He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
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I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
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I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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