Soap is not a condiment
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
