Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
