she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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