I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
