we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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