Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
