I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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