Yo dont text me then not text me
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
