My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
