her vagine was all disorganized.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
