Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Randomize
