oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My vagina is officially offended.
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