I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
