I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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