I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
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he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
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Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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