if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
