Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
