and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
