she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
