if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
