So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
