Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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