Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
