just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You ruined the universe
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
