jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
