just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
