I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
