I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
