if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
