She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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