Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
