try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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