This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
