the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
