I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
