Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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