It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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