just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
