i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
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When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize