I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
